Motherhood. It’s the hardest job in the world but the greatest job in the world. We’ve all heard that a million times. Yes, it’s the truth but until you’re a mom you don’t fully understand that statement. Some women wait their entire lives to become mothers. From the time they are little girls they are dressing their baby dolls and playing mommy. They grow up picking out what they will name their children one day. When their friends and family start having babies they gush over them and think sweet thoughts of when it’ll be their turn. Then they meet the man of the dreams and start dreaming of making babies together. But if I’m being completely honest this wasn’t how it was for me.
I was never a baby person. When I was little I let my best friend be the mommy to my dolls. I was more drawn to my stuffed animals. When Erik and I got our dogs I gave them people names even though everyone said maybe you should save the name “Emma” if you have a baby girl one day. When my friends started having kids it actually scared the daylights out of me because everyone naturally started asking when we would start a family. When I married Erik I thought then maybe we will have this fabulous life of luxury and travel and not have kids, but deep down I knew he would want a family. After just shy of 5 years of marriage I knew he wanted to start a family of our own.
I thought I would be one of those girls who wouldn’t get pregnant right away but boy oh boy was I wrong. In less than a month I got pregnant and I actually cried. Not happy tears, but tears of OMG I am not ready for this. We laugh now because we were married, established and were actually planning to get pregnant. But deep down I was scared to death.
Once the tears dried up and I got a grip the magic started to set in pretty quickly for me. My pregnancy was a dream. But when I found out I was having a girl is when it all changed for me. Granted I would have been happy with a boy of course but somehow I think God gave me a little girl to test me (because girls are TOUGH), show me a bond better than I ever could have dreamed of and to give me a best friend for life. My mother is my best friend. We have a bond that runs so deep but one day she will not be here. I get choked up thinking about that but she always tells me I will have to be ok when she’s not with me anymore because deep down I know she worries about me because I’m so attached to her. I truly think God gave me a daughter to help get me through that road when we are forced to travel down it one day. Cue the tissues.
Summer’s arrival into this world was far from peaceful. It was actually a nightmare. Labor for 27 hours. Emergency csection after pushing for 2 hours. I briefly saw her over the curtain after I delivered but I was so out of it. When they wheeled her into my room a few hours later she locked eyes with me. Yes she literally zoomed in on me with those dark eyes and my first thoughts were, “Oh no. This is it.” Her strong personality was shining through immediately. And you can guess what happened next. I fell in love. As the great Carrie Bradshaw once said, “Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” Cue the tissues again.
Raising Summer wasn’t easy. It still isn’t easy. It’ll never be easy. But it is the same for all mothers. Each mother has their own road to motherhood. It’s by far the most beautiful gift this life has given me. Granted we only have one but for us one is enough. She is everything we need and more. The light of our lives, our past, present and future.
Thank you to my daughter for showing me that I was capable of being so much more. Thank you for choosing me to be your guide in this life. Thank you for still loving me even when I feel I fail you as a mother. Thank you for challenging me, loving me and staying so close to me. Before my Dad passed away he said I was his greatest gift in life. I now fully understand that. You are and always will be my greatest accomplishment and my most favorite gift. Stay close to me forever baby girl.
To all the moms out there know that the challenging times make us better moms. Know that the lessons we teach them will stay with them forever. Know that they will want to be just like us so be a good person. And know that each memory you make with them will be cherished in their hearts forever.
Wishing you all a beautiful Mother’s Day.
**Photo credit: April Narby
**Thank you to April Narby for these photos. We have been using April for our mommy and me shoots since Summer was 10 days old. This was was our 6th annual shoot with her. Her work fills the walls of our home. For headshots, family, and mommy and me shoots please visit April’s website here and follow her on Facebook here.
SHOP MY LOOK: DRESS / SUMMER’S DRESS / FAUX LEATHER LEGGINGS / BLACK TANK / HEELS (also here)